As a parent of two sons in their twenties, I wish I had the
patience and understanding with them that I had as an educator working with
other people’s children. Relatively early in my professional life, I learned a
few things that I honestly tried hard to carry over into my parenting (albeit
not as consistently as my sons would’ve preferred). I came to recognize that I did
not need to know every single detail of all aspects of their daily existence. I
did need to be aware of the big picture and judicious in my interventions. I
needed to not react to everything. I needed to allow them to learn and grow.
The resulting household strife, fueled by a sense that they did not have my
trust, only served to disrupt constructive engagement and escalate tensions all
around. Even worse, I had become the
parent who I heard about from their pediatrician: the parent who runs to the
doctor carrying his child while pleading to find out why the child does not
walk.
If my boys were in high school today, I would’ve been the
one ensuring their backpacks were organized for the next day and checking the
PowerSchool portal so often that my device would lock up. If I had texting capabilities then, I
would’ve set their iPhones ablaze. My boys – and my wife – would’ve arranged to
have my access blocked. Conscious or not, the pressure I put on them raised
their own stress levels (particularly in my older son, who was always hard on
himself).
By the time each was well into his high school years and I
acted toward them in a more balanced manner (for which my wife takes full
credit), I realized that there were quick returns from serving as a sounding
board and a helper on their terms, and not directing their lives. Not only did
this allow for them to make mistakes and develop their own decision-making and
problem-solving skills, but ‘balanced parenting’ (as my wife, the parenting
expert, termed it) actually kept the house quieter and provided each of my boys
with a more equal hand in our interactions. As a professional I consulted pointed out, it
also helped them to be more confident in their own abilities because they could
see the results of their own thought processes and choice of action.
As an educator working with your children, everything I read
and hear about the proliferation of information technologies is that they
enhance and can elevate the complementary processes of instruction and
learning. They also give rise to and
exacerbate the overwhelming of our senses with oceans of data that are often
conflicting or contradictory. NCHS takes as its most important mission,
preparing all students for the world in which this is a given,. We strive to
help them recognize that the information with which they are bombarded must be weighed
and assessed for its validity before it is internalized. In seeing our students
not solely as ‘learners’ but as whole individuals, we strive equally to help
each acquire the habits of mind and emotional intelligence that will support
the development of confidence, critical thought and resiliency. These ideals
shape the lens through which we, as educators, establish and revise curriculum,
plan and manage instruction and learn about and practice the most effective
approaches for promoting learning.
Essential to this is the partnership between the NCHS staff
and parents or guardians of each of our students or, as I often like to
describe us, “the adults around the child.”
Whatever students face, it is incumbent upon us to not ‘carrying them
around and wonder why they don’t walk.’ We need to keep them grounded and
accepting of the personal value that comes from dealing with the travails and
challenges that life brings. However, our inclination is to eliminate these
challenges and stay informed ahead of them enough to be able to monitor and
guide. Nothing in my personal and professional experience nor in research
recommends this as ‘best practice.’
Only recently, I became aware of the ability to receive
alerts from the PowerSchool portal every time a grade is entered and to be
immediately notified if a grade average in a course is within a certain range.
In both cases, students and parents can be prompted to check the portal,
perhaps, continuously if not, as least, hourly or several times a day. As an educator concerned, as all of us are,
with the stress and pressures our students face, I cannot see what constructive
purpose these types of options provide and am asking all students and their
parents to consider the real value of such ‘over-monitoring.’ Since assignments considered in the calculation
of a quarter or semester grade are not weighted in real time; each isolated
grade can only ever serve as indicators of mastery or a need for improvement on
that particular assignment or assessment. If a pattern is noticed, there is a
benefit to giving them a ‘heads-up’ and guiding students toward their own
realizations. This is what research notes as the structure for meaningful
learning, for students to begin to see their own ‘big picture.’
My sons turned out fine and, by multiple measures, successful
and prepared for what life will bring. I have an enjoyable relationship with
each of them and appreciate the balance that now defines our family dynamic.
But, in retrospect, I wish I hadn’t made it so hard for them at points along
the way.
